Introduction!

Things that you never thought would be a part of your life....are now your whole existence. Anyone who knows me knows that back in the day I was anything but Christian. The world I grew up in was twisted, malicious, and lonely. I grew up wanting to never need to rely on anyone. Ever. I didn't believe in God or marriage or family. All of that was for stupid suckers who didn't know how to face the real world head on. In Middle school I had this friend...Jessi. She was super sweet. She believed in God. I loved her anyways. :) She wasn't afraid to talk about it or to show that she was a follower. Some of my other friends took heart from her, and started speaking up too. She was someone that I really respected...so I started to listen. I went to this Youth group. I heard this amazing man speak. Sean. He was funny and engaging and so honest. For the first time in my life I really felt like people cared about what had happened to me and what was going to happen next. My best friend at the time, Julie, came with me too. We embarked on this journey together, learning...absorbing everything we could, and arguing with all of it. That's what we did, we were fighters. I went more and more and met more and more people in the church. All the while my life kept falling apart and taking worse twists. I suffered from some serious depression and started to do some not too bright things. (cutting myself was not my shining moment.) Then one night, my Freshman year in high school, heart broken and ready to stop being so alone, I really started to listen to the things Sean talked about every week. I felt this...sadness being lifted for a moment and peace entered my heart. I was so tired of always fighting and always being alone and forgotten. Sean told us then that we mattered to Someone all the time. That we mattered so much he gave his life up so that we could experience the amazing thing that is Forgiveness. He truly cared about where we were going and what we did with our lives, and that if we wanted to follow him, we'd never have to be alone again. He prayed then and gave us the opportunity to accept Jesus and to love him back. He asked those of us to stand that had made that decision.....I stood. I reached out for the hand of my best friend Julie, and realized that she was standing too. Unbelievable happening number 1. I was a Christian. 

  For a long time I didn't know all that this meant...(not that I know it all now either. lol) I just floundered around through life trying to do the best I knew how and trying to be a basically good person. Not exactly easy to do in high school with the reputation I had accumulated as a bad ass. I had no idea where to go next. I fell in love, got my heart broken....(he told me that it wouldn't work because I never wanted to have kids.) and lost a lot of friends because I didn't want to get into the things they were all dying to try. That year I went to my first party ever, just to see what all the hype was about...It was not only lame...but I called the police on it. 40 year old men do not belong at parties with young girls offering "harder sh*t" in the back room". In my defense I warned the kids there that I was going to do it if they didn't make the other girls leave. I took my friends home with me and did just that.....I know I did the right thing...but man did it suck. I lost an entire group of friends over that one...MIPs don't make you very popular. I then started to go outside of the school to get to know people. I branched out to make new friends in groups I'd never talked to before. I met this guy. Jake. (that meeting is a whole different story.) He challenged me, and was so different than any of the other guys I'd ever dated...and man was he good looking. :) We got to know each other really well and eventually started to date. His Family and I had a rocky start...they were such a strong Christian family...and well...I came with a lot of baggage. I wasn't the kind of girl a mother wants to see her son end up with. But what can I say? I'm charming? ;) After the rough beginning his family and I hit it off REALLY well. I'd never felt this kind of acceptance from an earthly source before. God had introduced me into this wonderful group of people that was to become my in laws. Jake asked me to marry him when I was 18. we'd been together two years. Obviously I said yes. :) at 19 years old I married this crazy, lovable, patient, strong, intelligent man. Unbelievable happening number 2. I was a Christian Wife, and I LOVED it.

    Natural Progression and the hand of God took over at this point. :) Kicking and crying and throwing up I was thrust into motherhood. almost two years after being married Jake and I found out we were pregnant. We were due to have our baby girl in March. I was sick. He was overjoyed. I got over being sick. lollol. I was a Christian, a wife, a mother, and an advocate for home birth.

 I never thought my life would turn out the way it has. When I accepted that God could lead my life, I didn't know he'd take me down such crazy roads. But I am thankful. I have experienced so much healing since then. I am a beautiful person who knows she is loved and needed and not perfect. I have repaired many relationships in my life and have created many new ones as well. People I never would have met without God Leading the way. 

   Praise the Lord for he is Good.

Thanks for reading. It was nice to introduce myself to you. :) Look forward to posting more when I can.

Amber Leland.