Life is hard. It doesn't seem to matter who you are or where you are from, at some point, you have no idea where you are going, and at some point, you go through a pain you think you will never recover from. I have been in those dark places where you just cannot fathom how the rest of the world is still going on, and it forces you to go with it.
The trials you go through, however,give beautiful shape to your life. Instead of being blinded by pain,your vision can be renewed by perspective. This has been true in my life. I keep asking God to change my sight, to see what he needs me to see, and he is Faithful. He has given me the ability to look at painful situations, while allowing me to feel ALL the emotions, and see what they are really building. When we left for Haiti, almost two years ago, I was ready for anything. I was ready to stay there for years to take care of the young women who needed a house. I was ready to live in a third world country and take on the life of a missionary. Today? That may have been on my list of top 10 most painful things I have ever gone through. But I surrendered. (over and over again) I asked God to bring me back, and to lighten up my dark vision. To use what I had walked through to give me better insight. I asked God why. Guess what? He Faithfully showed me. The Ministry we were working with is stronger now than it ever has been. There is so much better understanding and communication, my in laws are in a better, safer place, and I am stronger. I could have been angry with God. (Heaven knows I tried to be.) I could have been swallowed by the feeling of failure that coming home hit me with. I could have just quit chasing after God because sometimes it hurts, but I did none of that. Instead? I grew. I changed. Again.
Life is about change. I love God. This last year and a half, I learned how to pray like a warrior and not like a beggar. I learned how forgiveness and the LOVE of God can get you through ANYTHING this world can throw at you. I learned, that I can ask God to help ME see things in a different way, and to help ME change so that the situation I am in, is able to change! When you leave room for change, and you invite God in to do the remodeling, you are amazed at the work that can be done.
My oldest Daughter has a best friend/Aunt that lives 10 months out of the year in Haiti. Their relationship is so incredibly special. I don't know two more bonded little girls. I joke that they are twins, despite differences like age, color, and attitudes. :) Every year they have the joy of counting down until Lizzy comes home to us. Also, Every year they have the burden of knowing that Goodbye is painful and coming fast. You know what is great though? As they grow older, they will have an intimate knowledge of the power that loves holds. They will grow up knowing a love that never quits, despite the hard parts. They pray for each other , they send each other letters and pictures and they stay connected.None of this makes goodbye any less painful, and they miss one another deeply in between. But they still count down every year until they meet again. My daughter, although very emotional, is going to grow up with the ability to see things with grace, and patience, and love. She will have a faith that will move mountains and with she will have the strength to wait JOYFULLY upon the Lord. God is so good my friends. The art that he can create with the pain this world dishes out, is enough to make you hit your knees in awe and reverence.
He has brought me through a broken home, molestation, bandidos, lies, attacks both physical and verbal, abandonment, death, betrayal, anger, loneliness and bitter hearted goggles, and so much more. He loves me so much, that instead of being done with this small shell of a human, he cleaned out this container and made it new. Because of Him, I can see, and I can see better every day. You guys! Life is HARD. Do something with it. Don't waste the pain. Bring it to the Lord Jesus and allow him to show you the beauty in the ashes.
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