In the quiet.

It's dark outside. My house is finally quiet enough that I can hear the cars whooshing by and the fan on my computer while I stare at the screen. My husband is texting me from Academy, and I am wrestling with some internal monsters. The night is quiet, but my soul is anything but. I am embarrassed. Overwhelmed. Exhausted. Depressed. A stark contrast to where I was a few months ago.
  I was working out every morning, drinking all the water, eating better than I ever have in my life, and there was so much balance. Then, my feet got injured, my dad passed away, my grandma passed away, school started, my husband left to Academy, and life started to just spin out of control, and so did all the precariously balanced activities I was so proud of. I lost the ground I had gained. My clothes fit tight again, my energy levels dropped, and my ability to choose my health over my comfort, was lost completely.
    I was going to give up entirely. I was resigned to being overweight my whole life. I gave up on the idea of that healthy, high energy, motivator that I wanted to be. All of a sudden, it just wasn't worth it. I threw in the towel. I was disappointed in myself, but I just wanted to eat whatever I wanted and sit on my couch at night and relax.
However, I am married to a man who is not a quitter. I am married to the pushiest person I know. I am married to a man who believes I can do anything. He called me out. In a big way. Here I was telling him how I want more ministry opportunities, and how I want to reach people and encourage them....and he asks me why I stopped working out and eating right? He proceeds to remind me how that was affecting the people around me. I told him... I just don't want to anymore. I can't. He fixes me with a smirk and disapproving eyebrows and says. "I don't want to go to Nineveh."...............
    Nineveh. That hit like a ton of bricks. (If you don't know the story of Jonah and WHY he was swallowed by the whale, rent yourself the veggie tales version, then go read about it...in the bible.) I could not even look him in the eyes. I started crying. Then I started laughing. I felt so stupid. I felt frustrated. I did NOT want to go to Nineveh. I had already quit. I was walking away one sweet treat at a time. O.K., 10 or 12 sweet treats at a time....
     So now, I sit here, convicted. What is next? What do I do with it? I could stay sitting. Free Will gives me the option to choose to eat, sit, mope, walk away, whatever I want.
     I have a lot to work through, but I have a God who loves me, and a husband who will never let me settle for anything less than my best. I am going to spend some time finding my WHY again. For now? I am going to start moving again. I choose to start with movement. Sweaty Selfies coming your way friends. #Nineveh